“Why are you single Julie Anne?” I’m so sick of hearing it! I have a million different answers and excuses for that, but the truth of the matter is much more complex than anyone, including myself, comprehends. In fact, people get me all wrong when it comes to love, and perhaps I deliberately lead them down that path. It’s an unconscious, well okay, conscious defense mechanism. I feel like a fairytale princess, but the truth of the story is it’s my heart locked away in that tower, and I’m not prepared to spend a kings ransom and decades of time on some shrinks’ couch to find the key to unlock it, besides, I’d be a shriveled up old crow by then anyhow.

The father of my child

He is the father of my child

Many seem to mistake my single status for my still being in love with Nick Rhodes. Why? Because I choose to speak positively about the father of my child? Because I’m tired of the many years of bitterness between us, and hard work it took to get back to some semblance of friendship with someone I admittedly loved very much, many years ago? The qualities that drew me to him in the first place are still there, he’ll always have a place in my heart, but I certainly would not mistake that fondness for forgetting what drove us apart. It does take two to tango, and trust me, Nick and I already won that dance competition! We could never live together again.

It takes two to tango. Nick and Julie Anne Rhodes.

"It does take two to tango, and trust me, Nick and I would win that dance competition!"

I was eight when I had my first “boyfriend.” He sent me a love letter during the summer break. My mother accused me of having sent it to myself. He also gave me a heart shaped box filled with chocolates for Valentines Day – which 30 years later I found in all the junk that my parents had stored in their garage – complete with petrified chocolates still in there. So you see, I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to remembering all of my exes – not just the famous one(s). And yes, there have been others I have not told you about. Everyone is entitled to a little mystery in their lives. I’m attracted to brilliant, creative minds – which may also be a large part of my trouble with finding longevity in love.

Some have maliciously mistaken that proclivity for being a gold digger. Let me set that record straight. I am allergic to wealthy men. I’m not “bird in the gilded cage” material, because I’m ferociously free spirited. Any inkling of incarceration sends me flying in the opposite direction. No, my affections are not for sale. It is the intoxicating cocktail of creative genius and intelligence that excites me, not a bank account.

Nick, Tatjana, and Julie Anne Rhodes in happier times

Nick, Tatjana, and Julie Anne Rhodes in happier times

From the age of eight until I was 38 years old, I always had a man in my life. I also destroyed several careers “for love” in the process. I let the man I was with define who I was – I had little to no sense of identity of my own. I went from one to the next without catching my breath in between, forever terrified of being alone with my own worse enemy, myself. Then I hit bottom. I was forced to spend time alone to find out exactly who I was, and to become the woman I was meant to be. Someone worth loving. Someone I could love. After a lot of healing, today I am quite comfortable in my own company. Perhaps too comfortable? Life is just so uncomplicated when you can afford to be selfish. It is also much safer – you don’t get hurt.

I admit, I’m still damaged goods when it comes to love. As a young woman I thought the greatest blow to any relationship would be infidelity.  Sure, when someone you love is unfaithful it stings deeply, but many relationships survive these indiscretions quite successfully. Trust me, there are much more evil acts of betrayal that dig deeper to destroy the core of any love, even the strongest, beyond repair. And then there is “until death do us part.”

New Years Eve 1997 with the I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with

The man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with

It is infinitely easier to amuse you with endless stories of the happier days with my ex husband, than to admit my heart was shattered by someone else. Someone I loved with every ounce of my being, someone I risked and lost everything that mattered to me for. Someone who unceremoniously dumped me, and left me reeling in the wreckage. I tortured myself for months wondering “did he ever love me, or did I just imagine it all?” I longed for him to come tell me it was all a horrible mistake, and then the fat lady sang. It was over. He took his own life. As filled with rage as I was at the time, I still loved him, and there simply are not words to describe the depths of despair. THAT is the greatest blow any relationship can take. The final word, no room for apologies, no room for hope, no explanation that can ever make sense. I don’t want to ever know that kind of pain again.

There have been dalliances since, but my heart still feels that old familiar cold grip of fear, eventually extinguishing any fire that might threaten to melt it away. However, it would be unfair to blame my self-imposed lone-ness (which is different from loneliness) on him. The truth is I owe him a great debt of gratitude for forcing me to take a long sober look at my own glaring self defects, or it might have been me in that early grave.

I’m also free of that proverbial biological clock ticking away. Unlike most of my generation, I did the whole marriage and baby thing early in life, and now find myself obsessed with forging a new career. I usually dismiss the thought of getting involved with anyone until I’ve realize those aspirations. I don’t really have the time to devote to a successful relationship, and this time around, I will not sacrifice my career for love.

Black tie event with Nick and Prince Albert then to on the red carpet alone today

Black tie event with Nick and Prince Albert of Monaco then, to on the red carpet today alone, until I find my prince

Or, maybe I just haven’t met my Prince Charming yet? It could be I haven’t kissed enough frogs, or that I’m oblivious to subtle suitors, because I’m not out on the prowl? We’ll find each other when the time is right. You see, I do still believe in the fairytale, so you can STOP asking! He will be a lot of wonderful things, but he will also be as comfortable accompanying me to black tie affairs, as he is camping out in the African bush, or sharing a cozy bowl of chili with me at home, because he will love every aspect of who I am, and that alone will

Lamb chili with Feta

Lamb chili with Feta

set my heart soaring free. Moral of the story? I haven’t gotten that far yet, but I’ll let you know when I do. In the meantime, click on “EAT” (the recipe of the week) on the homepage  for the lamb chili recipe, join JulieAnneRhodes.com for access to more recipes, and upgrade to premium membership for all of my delicious recipes to find their way to your Prince(cess) Charmings’ heart.

PS: Don’t forget to enter to win a signed copy of Joy the Baker’s new cookbook!

Addendum: So many of you have expressed your concern and want to offer advice, and I truly appreciate it, but I really am in a good place today. Please do not be concerned – I’m not unhappy about being alone, in fact I obviously prefer it for now, or I would be dating. My mother stresses (she’s from a different era and can’t comprehend my being content on my own), and because I talk about Nick on the blog people are always saying I must be in love with him. I ignore it from people I don’t really know, but a close friend challenged me on it the other day, which finally provoked my going public with why you do not hear me talk about the other men in my life. My life did indeed move on. I am not stuck in the past by a long shot. It’s just that my past is what people are most interested in reading, and they are happy memories so I don’t mind going there.

I have so much love in my life today – my amazing daughter and my whole family, Daisy (my dog who is a constant companion), and I am blessed with great friends. I’ve been married, I’ve known great romantic love (more than once) – maybe I have had my share and it’s just another chapter now – or maybe I will fall head over heals again tomorrow? Either way I really am happy and content most of the time, and no one, not even happily married couples can honestly say they are happy and content all of the time! Truthfully, I’m at a time of life that sex doesn’t matter so much to me anymore, and that is really the only part that is missing, so I’m just getting out of the way, and letting the universe reveal it’s plans for me in it’s own time. Now would everyone else please get out of the way too, and stop nagging! If a new romantic partner is meant to be in my life, we will find each other when the time is right, and if not that is okay too.

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  • March 21, 2012
    10:42 am

    I am so completely and utterly proud of you for so many reasons but this blog is near the top. There is a breed of smart, strong and successful women that has risen out of the women’s movement … not militant, not anti family or soul mate and so much more successful than could be imagined. Your family and friends are insanely lucky for being in your life.

    This lamb stew is going to go over SO well at our house. It looks so rich and comforting.

  • March 21, 2012
    10:51 am

    Jewels, your honesty and candor hit me hard. Your life hasn’t been easy, but you chose the high road and worked your butt off to make a career to be proud of and that gives you satisfaction. When the time is right for a relationship, you’ll know it, deep in your heart. Meanwhile, just enjoy life to the fullest as best you can. A partner cannot define your life and it’s up to you to make your dreams comes true if they are meant to be. Sometimes, we just aim to high and the powers that be have the last word. I’ve found this out the hard way. Times when I thought I had met Mr. Wonderful, thank goodness life intervened and took me down another path. I’m hoping the choices I made were all for the best. I guess I’ll never really know. I do admit to making a horrendous choice – letting my job take over my life to the point where my health was jeopardized. That was foolish and I’m paying the price for it now. But, in a way, I’m still okay with how things played out. You are the lady that grounds me and makes me smile. I can never thank you enough!

  • March 21, 2012
    11:46 am

    So I remember talking to you about some of these things in person and I love you so much for doing so because I feel like your a big sis whose had some of the same experiences as me and it gives me comfort to think ok, she’s still surviving, living and staying positive so I know I have to be patient and I will get there too 🙂 I can do this! Maybe someday I will meet Mr Creative Genius with intelligence (& I add a dash of integrity and humor). All I know is I don’t want to look anymore, I want to be found 🙂 Besides I figure I’ve got a few precious years left before my daughter is off leading her own life, not needing mum so much. xoxo Penelope

  • March 21, 2012
    12:04 pm

    I’m a spicy mama (come on Cali girls love their Mexican food) so I will see what other chills I can find!! 3 more months to go then baby girl is with me!! Oh did I tell you she grew another 3/4inch!! She is 5ft2 1/2… 1/2 She is going to pass me up in a few months omg. I better keep her away from neighboring Eton and the prep college for boys! lol

  • March 21, 2012
    1:57 pm

    The old adage of “you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else” rings true… and as long as you’re happy and healthy, that’s what matters. Based on what you write, it’s obvious that you have your priorities straight, so (as my stepsons would say) the haters can just ‘step off’.
    As for that recipe… I’m making the chicken version as we speak (a mixture of canned green chilis and a bell pepper instead of the Anaheim). Smells divine!

    • March 21, 2012
      8:11 pm

      Yay! Let me know how it comes out, please?

      • March 21, 2012
        8:28 pm

        It was FABULOUS! The husband was very impressed… and also very surprised at how a good a healthy meal can taste. I served it over a little bit of angel hair pasta, and it really worked. Nice job, Jewels!

      • March 23, 2012
        9:13 am

        Oh goody, I’m going to try it myself this week. I’ve been craving spicy lately.

  • March 21, 2012
    7:56 am

    Well said, I found your blog recently when I was scouring the internet for recipes and food blogs. I enjoy your humor, candor and recipes. And good for you to put your daughter first! This latest blog reminded me of a card a friend sent me when my soul was crushed by “the one that got away”! It said “face facts…when your ship comes in, you’ll be waiting at the airport!” Still makes me smile to this day!

    • March 21, 2012
      10:26 am

      I LOVE that – certainly put a smile on my face this morning!

      • March 21, 2012
        11:01 am

        I’m glad you thought it was as funny as I did at the time. The next soul crushing moment came after another all time low, the dreaded break up after the death of one of my brothers several years after my dad passed. It’s probably not fit to publish on a blog, I am not much for vulgar language but…my friend’s dad said “Luce, it’s time to stop crying about him and feeling bad about yourself. Kiddo, trust me, there’s an a** for every seat”. To this day, I just glow when I see Mr. Wallace.

        Best wishes, Lucy

      • March 21, 2012
        11:09 am

        No one should ever tell anyone how to grieve (correct analysis – a**hole). We all do it in our own way and in our own time. It can take you to scary dark places that sometimes seem we’ll get lost forever in, but eventually you do come out the other side, and you’ll remember that person you lost more and more with smiles, than tears.

      • March 21, 2012
        12:06 pm

        Absolutely, regardless of the loss, and losing my brother to arthritis was a devasting to us all, the road to recovery is a journey that is different for everyone. I admire the fact that you and your ex-husband put your differences behind you for your daughter’s sake. My sister in law was amazing with the kids, 14 and 18 at the time, both thriving now, honor students at university. The sis in law has met someone who is wonderful, I couldn’t be happier for her, take the good, leave the bad!

        But seriously, as a New Englander, I have to make sure you know the ins & outs of clam chowder…it’s in the dredge and steep. Saute onions, bacon/salt pork, add potatoes, clam juice, simmer 10 minutes, dredge your clams in flour, pepper, salt, simmer for 15-20 minutes. Set for an hour. Add whole milk and simmer for an hour, set over night…better than cream…well dot with butter when you reheat…everything’s better with butter.

        Lovely chatting with you, trust me I make good NE Clam Chowder & it freezes well.

  • March 21, 2012
    10:18 am

    I always find it courageous when someone shares part of themselves through written word. You have.
    Also, “It is the intoxicating cocktail of creative genius and intelligence that excites me, not a bank account.”— perfectly said. so true.

    • March 21, 2012
      10:30 am

      Well it is – I know exactly what turns me on, and what turns me off in a mate. Problem is there are not that many geniuses walking around single, and more importantly, stable!

  • March 21, 2012
    10:25 am

    I’m so sorry for the loss of someone you loved so much. It’s heartbreaking. But thank you also for reminding people that single women aren’t to be pitied. We are valuable all on our own.

    • March 21, 2012
      10:33 am

      Right? I actually started worrying there was something wrong with me – being so content on my own. Then I thought about it, and I would much rather be on my own, than with Mr. Just can’t be alone (I’ve had plenty of those to last a lifetime), and miserable.

      • March 21, 2012
        10:44 am

        PS. It took a lot of tears over the years, and there will always be an element of sadness that he couldn’t feel how loved he was, but I mostly remember him with a smile and a warm heart these days.

  • March 21, 2012
    10:28 am

    I love people who speak their minds. It is one of the many qualities I adore about you and your blog. It never ceases to amaze me how many assumptions people make about others, especially those who live in the public eye. They confuse assumptions, gossip and fantasy with reality. Bless you for always taking the straightforward approach when confronting rumors and assumptions.

    That chili looks divine. I do not eat lamb. What shall I substitute the lamb with?

  • March 21, 2012
    10:37 am

    Hahaha – and I don’t like beans (I realize they were missing). You could easily use stewing beef in place of the lamb. Or leave the meat out and use any bean of your choice, it would probably even work great with chunks of boneless, skinless chicken, but I haven’t tried that yet.

    Thanks Simone, I do shoot straight from the hip. Some people appreciate it, and others don’t (usually the ones I’m taking aim at), but I’m always true to myself.

  • March 21, 2012
    10:49 am

    Yeah, that whole women’s lib thing did a number on me – I felt guilty for being a wife and mother first, but I’m making up for lost time now, and I don’t regret the order I did it in for one minute.

    If Tatjana hadn’t existed yet, I doubt I would have made it through the tough times. Motherhood is a powerful driving force that is greatly underestimated (and undervalued) at times.

  • March 21, 2012
    11:11 am

    Ruthee – NO one’s life is easy, because life isn’t easy, but it would be so boring if it were. You are every bit as brave, if not more so, than I am, and the respect works both ways.

  • March 21, 2012
    11:55 am

    Now who is giving who the great advice? You are doing it all, and I’m so proud of both you and Micaleh for giving you the time to honor yourself and your dreams. Ain’t daughters grand!

    If you can’t find an Anaheim chile over there – see if you can find diced tomatoes with chiles in a can, or use whatever chili you can find – you know your heat level, so it doesn’t have to be a mild as an Anaheim. xo

  • March 21, 2012
    12:01 pm

    Jewels, I have been following your blog and fabulous recipes ever since I accidently stumbled across you several months ago while thinking, “What ever happened to my teenage heart throb, Nick Rhodes?”. Back in the early ’80’s, Nick Rhodes was my end all / be all / fairy tale prince / dream come true. I hope you wont’ be offended when I say I hated you back then, as much as a young girl can hate a woman she doesn’t know who was marrying her “ideal” man. But after discovering who you are, many years later, I now realize that YOU are the true prize (no offense to Nick). What a rare and amazing woman you are! You are a beautiful woman, both inside and out, who deserves all the best life has to offer. Don’t settle for anything less (even if it means living without a man). Whitney Houston’s song, “The Greatest Love of All” just came on the radio. It seems a fitting tribute to someone as strong, successful and truly beautiful as you.

    • March 21, 2012
      12:11 pm

      Blush! What a wonderful compliment, thank you.

  • March 21, 2012
    12:12 pm

    You and M remind me so much of T and me. No shortage of love in either direction there!

    • March 21, 2012
      4:02 pm

      well maybe someday the 4 of us can share cupcakes and tea lol

  • March 21, 2012
    12:17 pm

    Incredibly well said! I am dreadfully sorry to hear of your loves passing though.
    I think we all can identify with the loss of true love. I had someone betray me that i loved more than anything or anyone i had ever loved in my life… when he disappeared for over a year with no word… it was like a death. When he reappeared i still loved him so much and if he had wanted to be in my life again i would have done so.
    That was 13 years ago… my heart broke so severely from that it changed me as a person. It has taken this long for me to actually be open and ready enough to risk my heart. However, i can also tell that a piece is gone forever in my heart and nothing will ever bring it back.
    Thank you for sharing such a personal journey of your own.

    • March 21, 2012
      8:10 pm

      Both death and the death of a relationship demand we acknowledge loss, and by grieving we come out the other side whole again – maybe not the same person, but then we are always evolving – that’s what it is all about. Some lessons are just easier than others.

      • March 22, 2012
        4:48 pm

        I agree jewels…. I am now done grieving and am happily heart open for so many things in my life. Health, fitness, love and career. I feel a passion and creativity that is more pure and childlike than I have felt in many years. Thank you so much for your addendum as welll… It is very annoying to constantly have to explain yourself to others and even worse those close to you. Good for you for shutting it all down !!!

  • March 21, 2012
    2:44 pm

    Wow Jules, I read this entire blog of yours and I wanted to cry, girl if I was in your neighbourhood I would have to visit you for a long chat, and some of that chili, after reading this I felt as if I was reading a chapter of my life,(no Joke) I am going through that rough patch now, I have been single for quite some time now because of trust issues and not wanting to get my heart broken which it was 4 yrs ago. I too have grown comfortable with my singleness. I was stricken with breast cancer two yrs ago, was caught early thank goodness so I am still healing in myself. I am going through other changes with my career. Time to take it easy now and figure my stuff out. Thank you for sharing a part of your personal self with us that takes alot to reveal that part of yourself. I am recently trying to get my jewelry business off the ground so its still taking some time. I would love to send you something special you can wear on any occasion. Thanks for posting this article, your an amazing person Jules. Have a great day! (((Hugs from Canada)))

    • March 21, 2012
      8:22 pm

      Patricia! You have been brave enough to battle cancer, you’re not going to let a failed relationship stop you from finding love again. That’s peanuts by comparison – you are fierce! You just need to give yourself permission to take all the time you need to heal first.

      • March 23, 2012
        3:44 pm

        Thanks Jules, I needed that. Your right!!!

  • March 21, 2012
    3:17 pm

    Such a beautiful, heartfelt post Julie Anne. At 45 years old, I’ve given up the notion of needing the fairy tale Prince Charming. I just need a partner; someone to take on the world with! You will find yours rest assured.

    • March 21, 2012
      8:28 pm

      It just isn’t a top priority for now, and who knows if it will be tomorrow? I’ll worry about tomorrow when it becomes today.

  • March 21, 2012
    4:11 pm

    Julie, you are so right. I think what you did and are still doing is the best choice. I mean, putting Tatjana first and enjoying your life is the best you can do.

    • March 21, 2012
      8:31 pm

      Funny, it’s the things that kick my a** that teach me to truly enjoy everything and everyone in my life. I never take that for granted anymore.

  • March 21, 2012
    4:40 pm


    YOU = AWESOME!! I have to share a little secret with you and I hope that it doesn’t offend you in any way. I think I have mentioned on here before that I am gay – so when I became a fan of Duran Duran in the early eighties it was because it was the best way to get close to all of the pretty girls in school. They all LOVED the guys in Duran. A side bonus for me was that the guys in Duran liked to surround themselves with beautiful women. When I was pretending to ogle and drool over pics of the guys it was actually you and Janine Andrews, Renee Simonsen, Claire Stansfield, Giovanna Cantone and Yasmin Parvaneh that I was drooling over. LOL Anyway, those other women I mentioned were great but it was you that I had the biggest most enormous crush on. Your pictures actually helped me get through my teen years. I didn’t have to tell anyone about my sexuality as long as you and Nick continued to show up in Tiger Beat! LOL I just had to tell everyone that it was Nick that I was enamored with. Then I had the chance to meet you outside of the Roseland Ballroom in NYC. It was a dream come true. All of the girls were swarming around Nick. You just walked to the waiting van and got in. Somehow, I mustered up the courage to approach you and all I could say was “Julie Anne, can I have your autograph?” – The only problem was that I didn’t have a pen or paper or anything for you to sign! (What an idiot – I know)What did you do? You emptied your cigarette pack and asked the driver for a pen and then proceeded to sign the cigarette pack and gave it to me. I thought I was enamored with you before that night but after that it was true love! LOL Of course, I have since matured and had real relationships with women who actually know I exist. So you needn’t worry I have moved on.LOL Why am I confessing this now? I don’t know really, except to let you know that there are those of us out here who appreciate the real depth of your beauty and grace. Don’t let anyone stress you out about being single. You will know you have found Mr. Right when you find the man that can handle all you are and all you have to give.


    • March 21, 2012
      8:42 pm

      That was such a lovely thing to say Dawn, thank you. FYI, I cringed when you said cigarettes. yet another bad habit I kicked to the curb a long time ago, thankfully.

      I don’t stress over being single at all – other people around me do. Their problem, not mine. My life is so full of love with or without a man, it really doesn’t matter.

    • March 22, 2012
      10:22 am

      That was so sweet, Dawn! Also, I do believe I was at that show, too! 🙂 Awesome.

  • March 21, 2012
    5:11 pm

    Dear Jewels, on some points it’s like me who’s talking. On the other hand I can say that, at 54, I have build up a great life as a single. I have a great job, my own house with a garden, a nice car, I travel a lot, I have met a lot of interesting people (Freddie Mercury f.i.) and I am able to do a lot of things I want to do. I am surrounded by great friends and family. Am I happy? Yes and no. I’m just not lucky in love. Long story. But after a couple of heartbroken (and one violent) affairs I stopped dating 20 years ago. Although I don’t want to be heartbroken again, I miss a man in my life. A soulmate. A nice crazy guy who respects and loves me for who I am. Maybe goes down on his knees and proposes. Does that sound like a fairytale? Maybe. But I keep believing that one day…At least you have had that experience in your life. And a wonderful daughter. Oh love. It makes you happy. It hurts and makes you cry. I could write a book about it. Maybe one day we’ll meet and we’ll talk about it while enjoying tea and lots of chocolate! Let me know when you are in Amsterdam & I will show you great restaurants, galleries and shops. All the best & keep enjoying every day

    • March 21, 2012
      8:53 pm

      Is it sex or a soul mate you are missing? Soul mates are all around us – they are the people in our lives that guide us through life’s lessons, our families, our friends – even that toothless stranger that smiled and brightened my day the other day. Why limit yourself to just one? Let the love come from any source it is intended – including from within.

  • March 21, 2012
    5:31 pm

    Oh jewels! I love reading your blogs….you make me laugh and cry( sometimes in 1 story!) but most importantly you make me feel! So thanks for being you!
    Just out of curiosity what was your wedding dance song?
    Love from “land down under”xx

  • March 21, 2012
    8:56 pm

    OMG, I honestly don’t remember – we had an avant guarde jazz quartet and a big band alla Benny Goodman kind of band, so I have no idea what they played.

  • March 21, 2012
    10:32 pm

    Very few women can open my heart like you do. I have always known there was a silent strength behind that some times sad smile of yours. Just one look into your eyes reveals the courage of a soul that has gone into battle and has come out on the other side bruised and scarred, but defiant and ready to take on life once more. I have always loved that about you, the intrepid audaciousness of your spirited approach to life. Exquisite beauty,dauntless valor, and tender heart all in one. You are a gift in my life and I do so wish that in time the love of your friends will heal your wounds. Take my peace and make it yours, because it does not belong to me, it is for those who need to dry their tears and sooth their heart. The Gods will shelter you because no one deserves it more.

  • March 22, 2012
    10:23 am

    Love this blog entry, Jewels, and without revealing too much of my own stuff, I’m really feeling the impact of it. Thank you for sharing the above, and thank you for just being you.

    • March 22, 2012
      10:25 am

      PS – Oh, and Jewels, I didn’t waste energy hating you for “stealing” my then crush, there was plenty of pretty to go around in that band. 🙂

      • March 22, 2012
        10:26 am

        What I mean is I admired you, and moved on.

      • March 23, 2012
        9:15 am

        I get it Sunshine. As you know, I moved on too. xo

  • March 22, 2012
    11:37 am

    Very insightful blog, Jewels (as always). Thank you for your courage to relay such personal memories. I can relate to the addendum, in part, having been nagged for years by friends and family (mostly well-wishers) to be at a certain place in my life at this age. I agree with you and am quite content how things are at the moment. If situations present themselves.. great! If not, life goes on.

    For the most part, people closest to me understand that sentiment (although I know some secretly hope my focus shifts soon). I’m not pining for a cookie-cutter/”white picket fence” existence just to keep the status quo nor do I compare my life with anyone else’s. I’ve always been independent and agree that the universe will present opportunities when they’re simply meant to be.

    You’re an inspiration! xo

    • March 23, 2012
      9:16 am

      That is EXACTLY how I feel!

  • March 22, 2012
    9:51 am

    Luis, you are such a dear, dear friend. See, I already have more love than one could hope for in my life.

  • March 22, 2012
    12:35 pm

    I really do appreciate reading your blog… I was sooo jealous of you as a teen married to Nick. As an adult… I see a woman who is much like me (A free spirit and hopeless romantic that can not be bought.) I admire your courage and determination.

    • March 23, 2012
      9:19 am

      Thanks hon – we are all so much more alike than we are different. If only people would see the similarities, rather than the differences, the world would be a much more peaceful, happy place to reside.

  • March 23, 2012
    6:30 am

    I read this yesterday and thought a lot about it afterwards. The men that I am attracted to are super smart and talented and I think with that there is a certain amount of crazy instability. My husband is a genius and gifted musician but has struggled with depression, alcohol and prescription pain medication addition. Still at age 48 he goes down that road at times. I can see the stability in your life and happiness – it is awesome. My mother (a wise southern woman – but not old fashion at all) would be just fine with me being in your position of 100% happy with my children and cute fluffy dog as a companion and a career I love. You I admire –

  • March 23, 2012
    9:24 am

    Sounds like you already are like me, except with a husband, and like ALL marriages, they will have their trials. Just remember he doesn’t control your happiness, you do. xo

  • March 23, 2012
    9:52 am

    Julie Anne, I just read the addendum to your blog. It struck me as odd because when I read this post, I did not think it was sad or worrisome. What I read was just a truthful account of your life, a cautionary tale and a new found happiness with redemption!

    Trust me, you don’t strike me as someone that laments your life. I have made choices, good, bad or indifferent, they are mine, it’s my bed to lie in, be it thorns or roses (where have you heard that before, yep, in an alternative universe our mothers knew each other!).

    Not to entirely change the subject but I was wondering how you feel about the fashion industry’s portrayal of the ideal woman vs. reality. I lost 100 lbs. 20+ years ago and at 5’4″, 145 lbs. and a US 12 am considered plus size. Maybe you could give us your thoughts. Too many young woman are being sent the wrong messages. I am so relucant to post because my spelling teeters between awful and tragic!

    All the best, Lucy

    • March 23, 2012
      4:12 pm

      I don’t think what I think will ever make a difference to the message the fashion industry sends – at the end of the day when marketing a dress, it is going to photograph better in a size 4 than in a size 14. Does that change the landscape of reality? No. I recently talked a friend of mine who is a designer in England into making just a few size 14 and 16’s (English 16 and 18), because her clothes are cut to slim anyway – they sold out immediately. That should send a louder message (than I could alone) to the fashion industry! Marketing is one thing – with production it’s time to get real!

      PS. Plus or no plus should not matter to you. Fit is what is important. That is your own fault if you let a word bother you.

      • March 26, 2012
        2:26 pm

        Thanks, I never felt bad about myself or am/was unfomfortable in my own skin. Thank you for your insight.

  • March 23, 2012
    10:41 am

    I understand you so well, really do belueve me. I m alone too since I divorce from the father of my boys and everybody ask me why am I alone!?!?! I dont aswer anymore…. Love does not comes like that.. I wont have a relationship only to have a man!!!!! I m happy w/ the boys (big boys 18/21) I like my job I’m healthy….what else…. Time will do the rest…. But “dady” always have his place in our lifes so better be as a friend. Have a nice weekend JulieAnne! hugs

    • March 23, 2012
      4:06 pm

      I think children make a huge difference, because we already have so much love and fulfillment from them.

  • March 23, 2012
    11:18 am

    Jewels, first of all thank you so much for sharing such an intimate part of your life with us although I think that you didn’t have to. I have to admit that of course I love reading about your former life with Nick but NEVER crossed my mind the thought that you might still be romantically in love with him *shakes head*.
    As for the concerns people seem to have… I cannot for the life of me understand why in 2012 people still believe the main purpose in a woman’s life has to be to find a man and then happily share her life with him or even share HIS life with him. I was naive enough to believe that we’ve finally left these ideas behind but obviously we didn’t or at least some people didn’t. So, let me tell you and these people: there is NOTHING wrong with a woman who wants to be on her own, she’s no abnormality or whatever people might think. She’s just a woman, who wants to spend time on her own and if she wants to do this her whole life so be it! *rant over*
    As always I loved to read your blogpost and am anxiously awaiting the next one! xo

    • March 23, 2012
      3:51 pm

      OH so well said Ricarda, your awesome!!!

  • March 23, 2012
    11:48 am

    Thank you soo much for this post. It is refreshing to read about a woman feeling comfortable with herself and who doesn’t have to be in a relationship to be happy. Not to get into the details of my life, but to share a bit, I have always felt the need to be with someone and sadly that has led me into relationships, including my current marriage, which weren’t always the best for me, all because of the fear of being alone. I have had boyfriends since I was old enough to have them, with rarely time in between for myself and to find out who I truly am. I wish I would’ve taken the time to learn to be alone and as you put it so well, alone- ness not lonliness. I admire you so much. Thank you again. 🙂

    • March 23, 2012
      12:13 pm

      Andrea – just try to make some space within your marriage to work on knowing who you are and what you want, then go for it. It doesn’t have to be as a single woman. You might just surprise the both of you with making that marriage stronger, because you’re happier from within.

  • March 23, 2012
    3:26 pm

    Jewels, You are an amazing, strong woman. You are a role model for so many. Your blog is amazing. And so are you.
    Just wanted to say that. 🙂

    • March 23, 2012
      4:02 pm

      Thank you, that is such a lovely thing to hear!

  • March 23, 2012
    7:35 pm

    I’ve been reading your blogs for years now. I love and appreciate all of the information you share about your life, old and new. Over the years you have inspired me to once again to try and learn how to cook. It is something that I have never been able to do. I am known as the strange girl in the family. I never married, no children and have had very few relationships over the years. I’ve always been a career girl. I’ve always focused on career vs relationships. I’ve always looked at relationships as why bother to waste my limited time with Mr right now if I know he isn’t going to last. The relationships that I have had were wonderful because I could be me and they didn’t try to change me. I hope that makes sense. Can you imagine a girl that set the house on fire making a green salad, add to that, most of the time being on my own, I’ve taken a lot of jokes about cooking being a way to a man heart, never catch a man if you don’t know how to cook and these comments are from my own family. Because of all the old ways of thinking, cooking has been a emotionally difficult thing for me to address. At one point I down right refused to buy pots and pans. I’m the type of person if someone pushes me I dig my heels in and refuse to move. I am so glad to see that others are out there that realized you don’t need a man in your life 24/7 to be successful. Thank you so much for talking about it.

    BTW, I have never once got the impression that you were still in love with your ex. I have always thought of you as being IN LIKE with your ex. As friends. In my opinion as a child from divorced parents that is the best thing to have. Your parents like each other.

    Can’t wait to read the next one. =)

    • March 23, 2012
      7:54 pm

      I like that “in like with your ex.” Sadly that was not the reality while Tatjana was growing up – she grew up in the midst of WWIII between her parents, but at least we finally made amends, and she seems to have turned out great in spite of us.

      Just remember with cooking, if you can read – you can cook. The ingredients are all listed (get them all prepared before you start cooking – that is known as mise en place – everything in it’s place), and follow the directions – it really is that simple. People just psych themselves into doubting they can do it. Of course you CAN! Now if you WANT to, may be another story, but try approaching it as an adventure rather than a chore, and you might find you actually have fun doing it.

  • March 24, 2012
    3:12 pm

    Hi Jewels,

    Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt, touching, poignant, and honest post. I have to say that at many times while reading it, I felt like I was reading my own words – the similarities are so many. I, too, am constantly barraged with questions from well-meaning friends, acquaintances, male friends, etc., who can’t quite seem to make peace with the fact that, at this point in my life, I choose to remain single. The truth is, I have a very, very, busy and full life, and I am happy, and at peace – just as I am. For now. Now, that is not to say, that there is no room in my life for Prince Charming when he comes along, because there most certainly is! It’s just that, I, like you, have known great love and passion in my life – and that experience makes it very easy to spot, that which is not. And I, like you, won’t settle for less. I just won’t. xoxo -R

    • March 25, 2012
      6:19 pm

      Wow, you are one AMAZING woman…Thank you so much for writing this blog…I had to forward this to a friend of mine who truly, truly needed to read it.
      My friend had a life that probably paralleled yours in some ways. She fell in love with a musician from an “80s band” when she was 17 years old, grew up “on the road” with them, moved to England, got married, and had kids. Over the last 27 years I have been close to them as a couple, I saw her get sucked into her husband’s “world” and painfully watched as she slowly began to lose herself. Believe me, in the beginning we had fun touring with the band, goofing off backstage and running through kitchens to avoid fans…but as you’ve said, that gets old…fast. She & her husband had marital problems for years, but when the kids came along, things were better for a while. Then my friend lost her mom from breast cancer and then got it herself, losing both breasts…and her husband never recovered from it, if you know what I mean. She tried for years to live without love for the kids’ sakes, and because she had nowhere to go. My friend never had a career, she went straight from her parent’s house to her husband’s house…and he controlled all of the money. I tried my hardest over those years to help them both…sometimes it worked for a while, but with her husband’s rock star “lifestyle” and problems with alcohol, eventually there were trust issues that could not be repaired.
      As time went on, I watched her live in agony as she became nothing more than a secretary and nanny to her own husband. It took me years to convince her to leave, and she finally realized that the tensions, disrespect, and alcoholism were affecting the children as well. She finally broke free with the help of her friends (on one of my “visits” I literally took 23 suitcases through customs at LAX for her and our friends in England & Ireland hoarded more of her things) and she is now going through a bitter and ugly divorce. I believe her husband is purposefully dragging it out hoping her ignorance of English law will help him and she will eventually give up and go back with the kids…but I tell her “I will drag you off that plane myself if you try to go back!” She has literally been living hand to mouth, selling practically everything she owns on eBay just to cover the daily necessities for herself and the kids. She is tortured when she can’t even afford to buy them new school clothes, yet their father sends ipads for Christmas or takes them on extravagant trips.
      To make matters worse, her daughter was recently diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and has been in and out of hospital for months. The stress on all of them is unbelievable, but my friend is amazing. Even with all of the horrible things that her husband does to her or says about her to the children…my friend refuses to speak ill of him to anyone. Like you, she also has the problem of people misinterpreting her words when she speaks respectfully toward her husband or says she will always love him. He is the father of her children…of course she will always love him…yet she is no longer IN love with him…and I totally get that. She has always just wanted to be “in like with her ex” (perfect description!) and be friendly for the kids…but he won’t have any of it. It’s sad, really, to watch one of my closest and dearest friends be so cruel to his own wife…but I have to hope and pray he gets the help he needs and can get past this someday.

      After I read all of your blog, and everyone else’s comments, I thought it was a perfect way to show her that she isn’t alone…and she can and WILL survive and become empowered, no matter what happens. She said to me the other day,“I don’t have a dime to my name, but I have my kids and my health and my own peaceful solitary life now…and I’m happy!!!”
      Thank you for your open, candid, and powerful words…and for giving us ALL hope and confirmation that life is perfectly wonderful when you find your true self…and when you can be perfectly content in just being YOU. xxx

  • March 25, 2012
    4:58 pm

    I love this post! The sentiment is so universal. Once we find out who we are, most other things begin to fall into place. And you are so right, no one is living a perfect life all the time. Some days are great, others not so great. If we didn’t have the downs in life, we certainly could not appreciate the wonderful times. Thanks for sharing your life with Nick Rhodes too, because you are right, so many of us had such wonderful memories of Duran Duran and we followed their personal lives and to see some great pictures from your personal collection is such a treat for us now as we are older. It brings back good memories for us and those of us who understand that hopefully will appreciate what you share with us and not be giving any unwanted free advice. Plus some of us are really loving your recipes today as well! So keep them coming! Thanks!

  • April 8, 2012
    7:37 am

    i think nick has supported julie and the little one tatjana all very expensively mire than what we could afford to do this blog is ded icated to jewls he has done eveything in his power to keep eveyone happy as well as me im a close friend of jewls i understand what he is going through life is not about a bank account it helps but its trust and who u love i can see he is struggling to find love for five minutes as he works over works i love him for who he is not for money i hope he enjoys and replys

    • April 8, 2012
      11:35 am

      I’m sorry Sandra, but you really need a reality check! a). You are highly mistaken if you think Nick supports me financially, and we both contributed to Tatjana’s upbringing b). “im a close friend of jewls” is simply not true – I don’t know you, and my friends would never make such inflammatory remarks about me publicly, c). Nick is very much in love with a wonderful woman – I can’t wait to meet her, because I hear nothing but fantastic things about her, and I know Nick is happier than I have heard him be in ages.

      You are more than welcome to join us here with a healthier attitude, but if you feel the need to make bitter remarks, perhaps you can find someplace else more appropriate to make them?

  • April 11, 2012
    1:50 pm

    cara julie anne, sei tu una donna meravigliosa, e anche se non ti conosco personalmente, ti voglio bene, mi piacerebbe avere un amica come te, sei intelligente, simpatica, sensibile..anche se hai avuto una vita intensa non ti sei mai montata la testa, io sono italiana di roma ed ho quasi 36 anni, ho tanto sofferto e purtroppo continuo a soffrire per vari motivi, ma sopratutto per la mia grande sensibilita’…penso che tua figlia sia stata molto fortunata ad avere una mamma come te. ciao con affetto lulay

  • April 11, 2012
    2:11 pm

    Cara julie anne,tu sei una persona meravigliosa, (anche se non ti conosco personalmente) da quello che scrivi, emerge la tua sensibilità, la tua intelligenza e simpatia…mi piacerebbe tanto, averti come amica.Io vivo in italia a roma e in agosto compirò 36 anni..nella vita ho tanto sofferto (e anche adesso sto attraversando tanto dolore,per vari motivi).Sono una persona molto, molto sensibile e anche fragile,io vorrei reagire, ma non ci riesco..sto tanto male.Scusa lo sfogo. Tua figlia è stata fortunata ad avere una mamma meravigliosa come te.Se potessi rinascere in un altra vita,anche io ti vorrei come mamma! Ciao ti voglio bene!

  • June 5, 2012
    11:41 pm

    Thank you for sharing who you really are with the world. Like most of the people here, I was not a happy 13 year old when you married Nick. And again, like some of the others here, we were not huge fans of yours. But now, as a 38 year old, I realize that alot of what we thought back then was based on what we read in the magazines and the magazines were catering to teenage girls that didnt want to see the band members get married.Somehow in our self-absorbed teenage minds, we knew it was our destiny to marry them (and I say them because we would change our minds about who our favorite was quite often-mine was mostly John, my friend’s was Nick) as soon as we were old enough/could meet them/get past security/etc. How naive we were! Everything we read back then always portrayed you in a negative light. When I was online reading about Duran Duran tonite, your site popped up and I was amazed to see that you were pursuing a career in the food industry.The media in those days said you were a model and an heiress to a fortune, and made you out to be extremely demanding and hard to get along with. (This is what the media said, not my words because as you know, we dont know each other.) Please know I am not trying to offend you, I am just wanting to tell you how completely wrong I was about you. I have never been so wrong about another person in my whole life. And again, I know I dont know you personally, but hearing your life story from YOUR point of view-not someone else telling your story-has been amazing! You have been through so much, just like the rest of us, and you are so down to earth. Reading your responses to people you don’t know shows that you are a person who cares about others and you treat people with respect, even when they are not respectful of you. The way you handled negative comments showed how considerate you are because you handled it with such class! Even though we have never met, I want to say that I feel really horrible for believing what I read in the press back then.You are the kind of person any woman would want as a friend because you are firmly grounded and you tell it like it is. I am like that too, and just like you, I am just fine being single! After two divorces, (I don’t have any kids) I feel completely comfortable dating and doing my own thing. I also dont cook-to me dinner is drive-thru, so I may have to actually buy some pans and try to cook something after seeing some of the recipes. 🙂 Thank you for being so open and honest, and I am so glad that after 23 or so years, I finally can see who you really are through your voice. I am so happy for you and all that you have done.
    Now, here is a recipe idea-(If you have already done this, forgive me as I am a new reader!)I am extending an invite for you on behalf of the Tarheel State to come to NC and see about creating a BBQ recipe that is not so full of fat and calories. NC is famous for our BBQ, and not many people try to come up with new creative recipes centered around BBQ! Before jumping off here, I must say that even as old as I am now, I am still a huge Duran fan. I think the music just gives me a connection to my youth and happier, easier times in my life. NOt to mention the teenage girl crushes I had!They are just so talented and they are still an amazing band. But now, I am so glad to have found your blog so that I can also support you in your endeavors because you are an inspiration to us all! 🙂 Thank you!

  • August 20, 2012
    7:39 pm

    I just found your blog and read this entry. Wow! I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share when you could just say “screw you!” You are a very brave person. 🙂

  • August 18, 2013
    10:47 pm

    Judging by this blog and your position as a chef I’m sure that’s a cocktail well within your own capacity to make, Julie Anne. I hope all goes well for you!